Preso

This school year had not been the best school year that I planned, or at least, imagined. First off, I thought this would be my last school year in the university as an undergraduate student. For the past four years, I have been telling myself that I should, at the very least, graduate on time given that my academic grades are not that outstanding. But I guess,God has really mysterious ways of teaching us lessons.

Since high school, I had not been the Lenna that almost everybody perceives me to be. The outside Lenna that people are seeing is the Lenna who is a model student, strives for the best and have a great passion for learning. I want to believe that the Lenna they are seeing is the real me, but I cannot view myself that way in any perspective that I can think of. I am the Lenna who settles for mediocrity.

Way back high school, I knew I can be the class valedictorian. Modesty aside, I am really smart - perhaps, the smartest of my batch. If only I gave 100% effort to every assignments, projects, exams and other requirements expected of me and gave good impressions to each of my teachers, I know I could do it. Not to mention, I was the topnotcher in the entrance exams and the only one to pass UPCAT. BUT THAT IS EXACTLY MY PROBLEM. I let myself to be contented to the things that I do without reflecting to the things that I can actually do. And then when time comes, I would look back, evaluate myself, just like what I am doing now, and say, "I have wasted so much time, I could be the best." But who knew that right! Noone can say that, not even me because I did not try hard to achieve the things that I want. I cannot blame anybody but myself for not being brave to fight the spirit of mediocrity living inside me. I know I am brilliant, I can do great things, I can be the best , but these things remained just as thoughts in my mind - I did not allow myself to actuallize these thoughts. I remained forever thinking because I did not exert actions during the times that I can. I let this side of myself be a prisoner of the person that I created.

College is a dejavu of my high school. I'm not saying that I can also be the class valedictorian. It's just that the same old high school me took into action. Perhaps, I wasn't able to graduate on time because there is still something that I need to discover about myself. I need to reinvent myself. Find a way to beat the power of mediocrity that is slowly killing my standard. I am not mediocre, I just let mediocrity and indolence defeat the excellence that is naturally inherent in me. Honor and Excellence. That would be my mantra in this coming semester.